cry.

I don't know why. Amy's 100th blog entry made me cry near the end. I was fine before. I don't think anyone's seen me cry before. I hope no one does. I recently just realized.
Not many ppl in this period are actually having WONDERFUL, HAPPY, REAL days. wells, the ppl writing on blogs anyways. I realized i haven't had much of happy days since moon fest. Like you know, your half happy but your not at the same time.
I think I've only been half happy since I realized my problem was a problem...This doesn't relate to what I've said recently and before...but whatever you don't know takes up nearly every part of my life.
And it is so much easier to talk to people on msn. I say lots of things but then at school I pretend I don't see them so I don't have to talk because it might be awkward, or maybe I'm afraid of rejection...like saying "hi" to someone but they look the other way or pretend not to see you or sometimes they just don't hear and it makes you feel unwanted. I can't be alone with some of my friends because I know we don't have much to say with each other anymore or the conversation doesn't flow properly...like I have to make an effort to say something. Maybe it's just me.

I just really noticed. When I end sentences short or blogs are like one line....I'm trying to talk about something else or trying to say something without spilling too much. Short sentences mean i want to say it but i don't so i end up muddling things.
gosh. other ppl's depressing thoughts make me depressed and then i say too much.
What is with me?
Perhaps I listen to too much sad RnB. HAHA. That's funny seeing as Manda said my whole ipod was literally filled with sad songs....and azn music. xD

btw ppl read this book-----------------> Torn Apart James Patterson (it's so sad)
i also need to read Winter---------->John Marsden
Cory Friedman was an ordinary fun-loving little boy. That fateful March morning in 1989 started just like any other but later that day, he started to feel very different and the course of his life was set to change. It started with an irresistible urge to shake his head, and before long, his body became a volatile, explosive and unpredictable force. Overtaken by physical urges, tics and compulsions, the bright young boy started to feel and look like a puppet on a string.

Cory had developed a rare combination of Tourette Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and other neurological conditions. The life he knew had been torn apart and his family was left watching him suffer. Desperate to help and hopeful of a cure, they embarked on a fifteen year plight which took them beyond breaking point. Cory was seen by thirteen doctors who in total prescribed sixty potent medicines. He was mistakenly sent to a psychiatric ward and. On the brink of utter despair, he and his family decided to try a form of intervention that had never been tried in cases such as Cory's: he was sent to a wilderness survival camp in a bitter, unforgiving snowy Utah winter. This felt like their final chance.

Throughout his young life, Cory struggled to have the same childhood and adolescence as his friends. From time to time an overwhelming anger and frustration overcame him when one doctor after another and an unprecedented number of medicines continually failed him. Still, throughout it all, Cory battled against the extraordinary events that were unfolding, and would take him on one of the most terrifying personaljourneys ever recorded.

Against All Odds is a true story of one family's courage, heartbreak, sacrifice and ultimately, triumph.